Have you ever had a pet that was so special you were convinced they were heaven sent? It is not your imagination or wishful thinking. Sometimes our pets really are heaven sent. I was reminded recently how animals are sometimes angelic beings who enter our lives at certain moments of time to help us. Sometimes it is to teach us a lesson we need, or to help us get through a rough time in our own life. I had one very special angel like that. You might need some tissues, this is going to be a hard one to write.
I know I had promised to write about Noelani Grace and how we came to be together, but her loss affected me so deeply, so grave was my grief from her loss, it has not been time to write about that most intimate of loyal love between us until now. The nudge is coming hard and strong from the Angelic Realm to share the magic they created for us, so through my tears, let me tell you about this special real life angel.
If you are not an animal lover, please bear with me anyway. The lessons brought about through my connection with my sweet girl applies to humans too. For reasons only higher realms know, I needed to receive it through my 4 legged angel, but your experience could most certainly be of the human kind. The lesson is still the same. As you read, please consider those in your life that may fit the experiences I’ve had.
It Begins A Year Before
The story really starts a year before we came together. As Alzheimer’s Disease took front and center for me as a sole caregiver, it became more and more evident how much I needed to have someone ‘have my back’ because I was giving all I had and more to hold things together. I was not in a place where I could remotely consider my needs first, circumstances were dictated on a moment by moment basis, and often, that meant any thing I needed or wanted was ignored or pushed way way back to ‘later’ that never came around.
My loved one came first, his comfort and his medical needs. Then my dogs and cats needs. Then the property. Then the house maintenance. Then my clients needs. Housekeeping, cooking, self care, self love made the bottom of the list…….more often than not, there was not enough ‘me’ left to deal with it so it got pushed back further and further out. I hired a housekeeper, but I couldn’t hire a self love creator. That was up to me and I was failing. Without help from family, I was often in overwhelm. But it was still one foot in front of the other, one day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time to get through.
Whispers Of What Is Coming
Back to Noelani Grace, for a year before we found each other, I was being told by the Angelic Realm that I needed to find a female German Shepherd. It had to be that specific breed because that would be the dog that would have my back.
I began a search for a female shepherd online and at local shelters. Every one I would find was either not cat safe or needed to be the only dog, so would be ruled out immediately as I had an older dog at home that came first. Finally, about 6 months into the search, I found one in another state. She sounded perfect. But, as she was being cat tested for me by the kennel director, with me watching on video and saying yes, I will take her, give me a day to get down there, a rescue group came in and adopted her out from under me. I was devastated.
I gave up looking. I literally threw my hands up in the air and surrendered to the Angelic Realm. (That is always best anyway, as we tend to get in the way of the miracles trying to come to us when we keep thinking we know more than God.) I said out loud “Ok. I quit. When YOU find the right dog, you let me know. Until then, I’m done searching.” Aww, the sweet smell of surrender……now while I can’t swear to the actual timeline, I am certain in my heart that is when my furry angel appeared at the local shelter. But we both needed time for the right circumstances to be created. I remember it was right before Thanksgiving 2013 when I stopped trying to do it on my own.
In January, 2014 I was called to a clients home to do a deep clearing of her space. She had also been a caregiver and her husband died in her home but his spirit was hanging around. She was beginning to feel uncomfortable and had asked me to come help. As I was preparing myself to go to her home, Archangel Michael appeared and made it clear he was to be a part of this space healing. I could feel him with me as I drove to her home. It was a very powerful healing, with an army of Angels that came in to help heal her home and help the spirit of her departed loved one let go. I was literally so high on angelic bliss that when I left, I felt like I was floating.
Since I had driven to a different city than where I live, I decided to treat myself to a nice lunch at a place I knew of near there. Afterwards, as I got into my car to leave, the normal route to return home would have been to turn left and get onto the Interstate. Yet, the angelic realm was urging me strongly to turn right.
There I sat, at the intersection, arguing with the angels that turning right would take me a long ways out of my way and I had no logical reason to do that. They insisted, so I turned right. They navigated the route for me, taking me down backroads I’ve never been on before, directing me turn left, now right, then left again. I know enough not to argue when they are so ‘present’ so I simply drove, waiting for instructions. I truly had no idea what was coming, I just had full faith and trust in their guidance.
They had me turn right onto a road that looked like it was taking me to a lumber mill. Then I saw the sign. Animal Shelter. I’d never been there before. I looked up, smiled and whispered out loud “thank you” as I pulled up and parked. I went inside and told the greeter I was looking for a companion for my elderly greyhound. Without skipping a beat she responded “We just this morning released a female german shepherd to be adopted, would you like to see her?”
As I stood in front of her kennel, she was not interested in me one bit. We took her outside to the yard, I called to her, she ignored me. Totally and completely. I stood there having a conversation with the Angels “Really? Are you sure she is the one?” Yes, they are sure. Ok. I told the volunteer I would adopt her. I made the arrangements, paid the fees and had to return 2 days later after they had her spayed.
When Trust Becomes Faith
Two days later I was at the shelter to pick her up. The Shelter Director was assisting me and asked if I knew the backstory on this dog. I did not. She went on to explain how the dog had been abandoned right before Thanksgiving. However, they knew she had an owner and they were required by law to make multiple attempts to get the owner to collect the dog. They never showed up. The morning I went to the shelter was the date she was made available for adoption.
She went on to tell me how happy she was I was adopting this dog in particular. She described how sweet she was, observant but not at all aggressive. Then she dropped the bombshell that put it all together. She said the dog was not raised in an English speaking home. Ding ding ding……ok, I understand now why she didn’t respond to me. Next, she told me the language she did understand and it happened to be one that I was fluent in. Ta Dah! Thank You Angels!
They brought her into the room, I spoke to her in her language and she came flying to my side and stuck to me like glue. She was wiggling her butt, swishing her bushy tail and licking my hands. She was happy. I could see it in her eyes. At last! Someone understood! Most especially, I understood. Everyone in the room was crying happy tears but I knew the real reason and that was plenty powerful.
What if I had decided I knew better than God and ignored the messages? I can’t say for certain but I’m sure I would have missed this amazing opportunity to know the depth of love through this furry angel I was about to take home.
What Do You Call Her?
I knew I had to give my new dog a name fitting the circumstances of what brought us together. I searched dog names, looked for greek mythology names of Goddesses, Viking Warrior Princesses, and nothing felt right. So, again, by surrendering and asking the Angels to just show me where to look, I found it!
Under Hawaiian names I found Noelani – translated to “A Gift from the Heavens” which she certainly was. We called her Lani for short, which, as it turned out, was the Heaven part of her name…..Grace was added as her middle name because were it not for the Grace of God and the Angels, we would not have come together as magically as we did. It was all divinely ordered, all because I listened as they guided me to turn right instead of going the way “I” knew to get home……I allowed myself to be led to something greater than I could ever imagine or create for myself.
Over the years, Noelani Grace proved herself to be the one I needed to have my back. No matter how rough it got at home with caregiving and the stresses of trying to do it all on my own, she was aways there just for me. When I was exhausted and would plop down on the sofa for a break, she would come up to me, shove her head in my lap and let me hug her around her chest. Sometimes with tears of frustration, sometimes with just tears of pure unadulterated love that would reboot me so I could keep putting one foot in front of the other.
It is without question she was an angelic being, sent specifically to me, to help me through the roughest parts of the cruelty of this disease I had to witness. She slept at the foot of my bed, on guard, watching for anything amiss. She patrolled the property perimeter to ensure all was secure. She chased off invading wild turkeys, river rats and an occasional mole. Mostly, she would lose her mind and chastise me when I would return home after I had left her to stand watch.
When you have a bond with an animal like that, it is so easy to understand what they are thinking and saying. Shepherds are vocal animals and she was never shy about letting me know if she was displeased with being left out of the loop. I could hear her tell me through her yips and chatter, anytime I’d walk in the door ….”How can I protect you if I’m not with you?” She was quite serious.
She was the pet that when you touched her soft fur, your heart just exploded with so much love, you can’t even describe where it comes from. I knew it was divinely blessed to be that way. If you have a pet that explodes your heart that way too, trust that is for a reason, a very real, but very divine reason,
Noelani Grace was already middle aged when she came to me and I knew I would not have her as long as I’d like, but when her time came to leave her body, I was in no shape or readiness for it to happen. She knew I would never want to let her go but she had a mission and she had fulfilled it. Her body was not going to hold out forever, no matter how much I begged for it. Trust me, I did.
The WORST Day Of My Life – Ever
Her transition was, to be honest, the absolute worst experience I have ever had. She began to get ill at the end of August, 2020, just a few days before we had to evacuate from the wildfires. She collapsed and I rushed her to the vets, begging her to hold on as I drove like a maniac through the country roads the longest 30 minutes to get to town, crying for her not to dare leave me, not now, but in truth, not ever. I pleaded with the Angelic Realm, ‘Please, Give me more time! I’m not ready to live without her!” She spent 3 nights in the hospital, hooked up to an IV, refusing to eat. I sat in their parking lot praying hard. Because of the damn virus, I could not go in to be with her.
We were separated and I knew it was as hard on her as it was on me. I almost lost her. Thankfully the angels helped her rally and she fought back against the infection and I got to bring her home after getting her to eat from my hand in the parking lot of the vets office. The Vet agreed if she would eat she could come home, so you know how hard I was praying to the Angels to let her eat. And she did.
For five weeks she seemed to be on the mend. She was not showing any signs of slowing down. She was eating fine, drinking water, playing with the other dog and watching out for me. I thought we were back on track. Then she began to wheeze a lot, showing signs of cardiac stress. I could see in her energy field the medication she received to save her life had damaged her heart. I didn’t want to see this, it was irreversible. Energetically in the fields around her body, her heart energy was growing dim.
I didn’t want to focus on anything except making her better.
October 12, 2020. 0800 hours
As I was preparing the dogs breakfast, I heard a thud and went to investigate. She had collapsed by the front door. The life was leaving her eyes as they became fixed and I could not feel her heart beating. I was on the floor with her, begging her to fight. But she was gone. Just like that. I screamed so loud neighbors miles away probably heard me. I was completely inconsolable. My neighbor had been on his way over to help me get her into the car to get to the vets but it was too late. Instead he and his brother in law picked her up and put her gently into my car so I could take her to be cremated.
I kept going back to her body, listening for a sign that maybe she wasn’t really dead, maybe she was just too weak to move……I let my crocodile tears fall on her face as my heart broke into a million pieces and was scattered to the heavens with her sweet soul. My Angel. She came. She loved me as fiercely as I loved her. Then she left. Her mission accomplished.
My special gift from the heavens left a big hole in my heart. Giant, gaping, raw, broken. When she left her body, I could sense it. My other dog let out a loud crying yelp when it happened. My cat ran up to her body, gave a sniff and took off running. They knew. They grieved with me. We had lost a most precious gift that morning.
My angel sprouted her wings and now she was watching over me from above her penthouse view. The Angelic Realm took in the precious love that carried me through some pretty rough times and spread it through the heavens. I have zero doubt.
I know it was a special blessing that she gave me 5 more weeks with her. I know she fought to stick around as long as she physically could. Because I have no idea when she was born, she was likely somewhere between 11-13 years old. Her heart just gave out. I beat myself up, I would not let go of the feeling that I missed a sign of something amiss, that I could have done something differently, noticed something, that it was my fault she died because I was so exhausted from not sleeping and staying busy with all my other duties that I missed her trying to tell me she wasn’t feeling well. Of all the precious souls on this earth, how did I miss that? What did I do to cause it? I would not let it go. I just knew it was on me.
That is grief. I was so out of my body, robotic, doing what I needed to do to keep things moving but I was crumbling under the weight of guilt. I fell into the trap of ‘what if’ and ‘why didn’t I see’ as I spent hours sobbing, some days I didn’t get out of bed except to feed the animals and get the now hired part time caregiver instructions before going back to bed. I so desperately wanted to feel her fur, to bury my face in her back, to hug her tight and feel her heart thumping against my hands as she breathed rhythmically in my embrace, filling me up with love. I grieved that I now had no one I could count on. I was back to being alone, on my own, having to do it all again by myself. Only now circumstances had gotten much more dire as caregiving took a heavier toll on me.
She was ‘just a dog’ to some people, but she was more than that to me. She gave me strength when I was weary. She filled me up with love when I had none to give myself or others. She reminded me a gentle embrace can refill my gas tank to keep going, keep doing, keep breathing……..even when I just didn’t care if I did or not.
She Wasn’t Done With Me
There is another special grace we can receive from animals and that is for their soul to return to us once again. They have been with us before, and for whatever the reason, they choose to come back again as an animal to continue growing and learning with us.
Noelani Grace took that opportunity from the other side to do that for me. No, she did not return to me. She told me she would not be coming back anytime soon. She would, however, come visit me in spirit. When caregiving was killing me and I was running on 2 hours sleep a night. When I was running all day before I realized it was 3 pm and I’d not had anything but half a cup of coffee in the morning, then had to decide if a snack would carry me through til I made dinner or if I needed full on sustenance right now……..moments where I was so over being used up by others who could only think of themselves, and when I had to put my foot down or I was going to die before it changed.
In those moments, she would appear. I’d hear her shake her collar in another room, and see my dog was sound asleep on his bed. Or I’d feel a lick on my face or hand and there is no animal there. Or the time I was so beaten down by the horrific effects of Alzheimer’s on my loved one and the pain it caused both of us, that I sat on the edge of my bed and sobbed. Suddenly I was surrounded by my other dog at my feet, my cat at my elbow and Lani’s energy came and licked my tears. I could almost reach out and touch her, she had pierced the veil between worlds to come close to me. I feel this was the moment she took action.
Soon afterwards, I was guided to look at social media for a break and there on the screen first thing were puppies up for adoption at the shelter where I had adopted Lani from. Without hesitation, I called and made an appointment to come in. I could feel Lani guiding me and I’m thinking at the same time ‘This is insane, puppies are a ton of work and I have way too much work to do as it is.” Yet, like when the angels guided me to her the first time, I felt drawn to follow through. I was walking on faith.
Of the 5 puppies advertised, 2 were left. One was the most beautiful male with a soft coat and blue eyes but he wanted to be dominate over his brother. The other was more shepherd mix looking, with a smaller head and a sweet disposition. I couldn’t decide. I stood up and said “ok, who is coming home with me” and the one I was supposed to have came trotting after me. I let the Angels show me the right one. Instantly they said his name is “Gabriel and you will call him Gabi” and so it was done.
Two months after losing my sweet angel, she sent me for this little munchkin. He was, in fact, born almost 2 weeks after she crossed over. She knew something I hadn’t yet discovered.
What Was She Thinking Sending Me A Puppy???
We are entering month 8 of this little guys life and it has been an adventure. He has gotten me through some of my hardest grief and has also been part of some of the hardest decisions I’ve had to make about life changes. The Angels showed me that he was to be my last ‘forever’ dog, to live into old age with me.
More exciting is they revealed he is the spirit of my 19 year old cat that I had a very challenging relationship with over the years. She was a stray that came to my door during a heavy snow storm. That cat would talk back at any opportunity and her repertoire with words included “No!” “Momma” and “Out” but she was special in so many ways, and so challenging at the same time. But she had my back, she was a watch cat, alerting me to anything not right, even before Lani or any of the hounds would alert.
Then they showed me something I had forgotten, which was that cat was the spirit of my very first dog I had as an adult, my constant companion and the one I consider the first real love of my life. Holy Wow! What a gift!
A few months later they revealed one more blessing. This puppy is the reincarnation also of the very first dog I ever had, as a child, my dog Dusty. He lived to a very ripe old age but I was not a real part of his life after my parents split up when I was just 12. Relatives took him in and I’ve always regretted that I did not stay close to him. He was a sweet dog that deserved better but I didn’t know better back then. So he came back to me as my 2nd dog and I did much better but I still got a few things wrong there. He lived to the ripe old age of 16 but he needed me to do some things differently……so he came back as the cat who lived to 19 but seriously held it against me when I had to have her put to sleep. They all 3 had common traits and I missed putting them all together until Lani brought Gabi into my life. Now it all makes sense.
It is an honor and a blessing for this spirit to choose to come back to me again and again to keep working on evolving our relationship into something much higher, much stronger. To have my childhood dog come back to be my very last forever dog, the implications are indescribable. I’m betting many of you have felt the same is true with some of your pets. Not all of them, as I’ve had many pets through the years where they ‘were just a pet’ and others that were best friends and understood you at a deeper level as you understood them.
Lani knew what she was doing. Even though I lament the puppyhood experiences of chewed up power cords, shoes and clothes, stubbornness, shark teeth biting and let’s not gloss over the months of being woken up every 90 minutes to go potty…..still, to have the deep knowing where this spirit came from and why, makes it all worthwhile.
It does not take away the grief of not having Lani here physically here with me, but I see her in him sometimes when he stands on my foot like she would, to protect me, or when he comes and lays his head in my lap and waits to be hugged, or when I feel emotionally upset and tears flow and he comes to my side, whimpering, wanting to comfort me like she would. I have no doubt she is here with me, helping all of us get through our days, coaching the little one how to help me.
Just because I can’t see her physically does not mean I can’t feel her presence. She is just in a different realm and I know, without a doubt, that all dogs and cats get to heaven and when it is my time, we will all be reunited in a way where we can see each other and celebrate our time on this planet. Until then, I take great joy and have so much humility that I can see, sense and experience all of this as I do. The bonds of Love cannot be broken. When the bonds connect you with your Angels, it is impossible not to feel it. Neither space, time nor dimensions can separate you from each other. Regardless if that bond is with other humans or with animals, that knowing is what heals the heart.
Thank you for reading with me. Be well.
